I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
