just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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