I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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