This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
