Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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