You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
