Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
My life is pants optional.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
