I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
