I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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