Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
