ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
and you fell through a lawn chair
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
