I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
