i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
