I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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