When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
