Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
