I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize