You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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