sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
