i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
