I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
