Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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