Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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