he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
