I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize