I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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