Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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