he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
please come you make the beer taste better
you win again, gameday.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
