Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
