Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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