just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
This house was built for laser tag.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
