i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I think weed is turning my hair brown
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
