They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Life is so much better after having sex.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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