He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
