This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
