You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
