It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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