Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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