Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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