Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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