lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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