If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
