If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
