Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
