I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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