I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
