And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
