Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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