Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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