4 words: hood of his car
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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