I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
