just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
