Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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