I think I just saw someone hide a body.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
They are going to name an STD after you.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
