At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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