just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
