my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
