And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
