You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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