Cold hands, warm shart.
Got a toothbrush?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
