I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize