I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
