just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
