I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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