with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Send help, water and tortillas.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
