he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
