I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
So vagazzling was a success
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
