1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
