yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
