ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
