Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
