I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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