i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
