So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
