Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
