good thing vaginas are great cup holders
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I touched a dick in church today
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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