Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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