I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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