You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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