Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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