Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
