Tell her she can't have a vagina
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize