Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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