who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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