We won't sleep together?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
