census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize