I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
