I think I won the penis lottery.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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