a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
they're like a gay fantastic four
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
