you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize