i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
