Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
