Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Randomize
