Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
