he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
