At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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