i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
