ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
