why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
