There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
