My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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