your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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