Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
