so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
